Most days I don’t think about the fact that I can’t have another baby. Most days it doesn’t bother me much. I remember a long time ago that the doctor had told me that the chances of me having children were not great. I was like 14 and who wants kids at 14. Well life went on and I grew up. I always knew in the back part of my mind that I probably wasn’t going to have kids the way everyone else did. But that never bothered me. Like I said most days it doesn’t. I guess this week was one of those that it just did. I was reading the twilight series for like the 4th time. I like reading it because none of the things she goes through are things I go through. A different life story…until it hit me I was in the 3rd book and one of the characters was saying that all she wanted was a baby, something she could never have. It hit hard, something that should not bother me but every once in a blue moon it does. So I put the book down mad, that it bothered me and went to my iPod hoping that someone had face booked something to change my thoughts for the moment. My wonderful cousin had posted beautiful pictures of her new baby. She really is beautiful. Her beautiful baby reminded me of Libby and she has the same black hair the same little cheeks. I guess I just got jealous. Some days I am glad that it is just Libby, Marshall and I, Some days I wish I could have another baby, most days I am glad that I cant (for health reasons only). But those moments that I am jealous make me sad I hate feeling that way. I love to see how happy families are. I love to see the joy that a child brings into the lives of mother’s, fathers, brothers and sisters. And I just pray even harder that the Lord will one day answer my prayers. But I am not sad! I am Happy that I have Libby she may have the 2 year old horribleness some days, but its when I need it most that she says I love you mom you’re my best friend… then all the sadness I have melts away into gratitude that the Lord blessed me with One wonderful little girl. And I know I am lucky to have that.
Libby has been trying to decide if she still needs naps. I think she does and some days she thinks she doesn’t. But on Monday morning she woke up at like 4 am (Marshall heard her before he left for work). This is how I found her at 8 am. All her books every last one. All her puzzles, cards, magnets, puzzle pieces. Everything that was on her book shelf was now on her bed. She had been reading all night. Nap times have the same feel and look to them that monday morning did. Marshall laughed, I just signed…ohhh no... she is growing out of naps. I hope not, I still need that 2 ½ hours of quiet time for my sanity’s sake.
I got a hair cut. I love it
Also check out my recipe page. I put on a great chicken recipe!
Libby has been trying to decide if she still needs naps. I think she does and some days she thinks she doesn’t. But on Monday morning she woke up at like 4 am (Marshall heard her before he left for work). This is how I found her at 8 am. All her books every last one. All her puzzles, cards, magnets, puzzle pieces. Everything that was on her book shelf was now on her bed. She had been reading all night. Nap times have the same feel and look to them that monday morning did. Marshall laughed, I just signed…ohhh no... she is growing out of naps. I hope not, I still need that 2 ½ hours of quiet time for my sanity’s sake. 
Brit, this is how I see it. I don't think you are jealous at all. It's just that there's a hole in your heart where another child belongs. Seeing somebody else happy with their new baby or pregnancy just makes that hole a little more noticable. I think you have amazing strength to go through what you do. Hang in there! You are so loved! I'm sending all of my good thoughts and love your way.
ReplyDeletep.s. If you EVER need to talk or vent, please, please, please let me know. I know the feelings you are having. I've been there. I will be there again. Love ya girl!
Britt, we hope that you get your wish soon too!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe Libby's hair! It's so long! Eli's growing out of naps too! It's horrible. He doesn't go down quietly either. Lately, I've been sick and too tired to try to put him to bed, but when I do, there is a lot of banging and knocking down of things before he goes to sleep (somewhere on the floor). Good luck because I know the need for a break to keep you sane.