Sunday, November 6, 2011

My crazy week

For those who are not in the loop this was my week
Monday oct 31 Halloween-- the usual get ready for the crazy trick or treating, get a text that my mother-in-law is having a brain tumor removed on Saturday!
Tuesday- take care of Haley (9-1 every tues and thurs) Paparazzi show2-6 7:30-9 conference call to help my business grow
Wednesday--Marshall leaves to go to Cincinnati, the power goes out all morning, paparazzi show 3-9
Thursday- My sister-in-law has a brain tumor removed (yes it is the same tumor my mother-in-law has)Take care of Haley, make 10 freezer meals for freezer exchange
Friday- leave at 8 to pick up mar shall from the airport, stop at the hospital to visit, lunch together(me, Marshall and Libby) home at 3:00 eat dinner and then head to Marshall's company movie day, then to my in laws for a last hurrah before her surgery.
Saturday--4:45 meet at ALA for bountiful baskets, home at 8am, cut and put away my basket until 10 (yes I cook and freeze lots of food) all the while waiting for my mother in law to come out of surgery.  make more freezer meals to finish up.  lunch and then to the hospital to check on my mother in law, home and load up my vehicle for another Paparazzi show and then home in bed by 11.

if being a caregiver and helping my mom care for my sister doesn't cause enough feelings of helplessness then having her in and out of the hospital every few weeks makes me sad.   But add brain tumors on 2 family members that you love makes the stress even more unbearable.

so for those of you that want to know how I do it... I don't.  I spend days crying because of my inability to take care of my daughter, husband, home and family.  I finally have exhausted all my everything.  So on Monday when I wondered how I was going to deal with this week  all alone I knelt down and prayed harder than I have prayed in a while.   I prayed because I had no where else to turn.  no help and no relief from the rigors of life.  and just asked my Father in Heaven to give me the strength that I needed to be able to make it one more day!  I know that he answers prayers but in that moment I had an immediate relief of my pain, frustrations, sorrows, feelings of inadequacy.   I was calmed down enough to move forward with my day.

I still feel like I am not doing all I can or even enough to keep a float but I know on those days that I cant do it alone that the savior steps in and makes my burdens light and bearable.

I know that answers to prays don't always come fast and are not always what we want but he does bless us with small miracles.  We may all be looking for large miracles but if we step back and look we will see the Lords hand in our life.  Look for the small blessings and you will be amazed at how often the Lord answers prayers.

ps.  Both brain tumors were successfully removed.  My sister in law is home and doing well.  My mother in law was lucky at the timing of her surgery.  So we are feeling blessed that the lord prompted the surgeon to do the surgery so quick.